I don't know about you, but I am offended by pretty much everything anyone says to me while I'm pregnant. I don't know why. I'm not easily offended in my regular, non-pregnant life. I'm a little sick of blaming everything on hormones, but I guess that's how the delicious (I mean really delicious) cookie crumbles.
I'm five days past my due date now and there has been a lot of not very pretty stuff going on in my life since getting pregnant. My dog decided he hates my daughter and pees and poops on and around her toys any chance he gets. He spends a lot of time in his crate now. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer almost exactly when I found out I was pregnant. Among several other health problems, she also has severe vision loss and can no longer drive (I have to drive her anywhere she needs to go). My husband was cut off driving home and ended up totaling his car. About a month later he ran out of gas in my car (the gauge was broken) and someone came along and smashed into it on the side of the road and totaled that car. We didn't have collision insurance on either car because they were both old and not worth it. Oh and money is pretty tight. Of course. So I guess it's understandable that when someone asks me, "How are you feeling?" I'm not exactly jumping at the chance to answer the question. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that people care enough to ask. But what if I answered every question honestly?
1. "How are you feeling?"
Terrible. If my first pregnancy was this shitty I probably wouldn't have decided to have another kid. It started with an appetizer of constant "morning" sickness, proceeded into daily migraines, constant mood swings, anemia, sleeplessness, numbness in my leg, extremely stinky crotch for some reason and not being able to breathe. Now that I'm at the end of my pregnancy, I literally can't go anywhere without getting extraordinarily overheated and out of breath. Not to mention I can't drink wine (or enough coffee) and I'm caring for my three year old daughter and my aging, sick mother at the same time. Did I mention my mother and I have a really bad relationship? So yeah, that's how I'm feeling.
2. "Have you thought of any names yet?"
Yeah, we have. We aren't thrilled with any of them and my daughter has already come up with her own. She insists on naming the baby "Cupcake" but I'm not keen on installing a stripper pole in a nursery.
3. Calling her 'blimp', 'tubby' or comparing her to the newly retired Ringling Brothers circus elephants.
Yes, all three of those things actually came out of the same person's mouth. He's lucky I have a good sense of humor.
4. "Have that baby already! So-and-so keeps asking about you."
Oh, I'm sorry. Is my gestation inconveniencing you?
5. You know what? How about you just don't mention anything related to pregnancy.
Let's pretend you don't notice. As far as you're concerned I just had a big lunch and we can move on. It's uncomfortable enough being pregnant and hyper aware that everyone around you is looking at your belly and wondering what's going on in there. Having to answer the same exact questions everyday is enough to drive anyone mad, especially a pregnant woman. I'm sure you can imagine I'm feeling pretty much exactly the same way today as I did yesterday.
I know I sound ungrateful for being able to even get pregnant and trust me that's not the case. I'm very aware that some people struggle for years to get pregnant and sometimes even then it doesn't happen. I've seen the pain that miscarriage inflicts on people. I have tremendous sympathy for people in those situations. I have close friends in those situations. The fact that I haven't had a problem getting pregnant actually makes me feel really guilty sometimes. That being said, mama needs to vent. Life is hard and being pregnant is hard. This has been a super hard 9 months. Thankfully it's almost over and I get to meet the sweet little girl that has been growing inside me this whole time. In a few days (or hours?) we're going to be a family of four and the idea of that is still crazy to me. Seeing Stella with a baby sister is probably going to make me cry more than homeless dogs in commercials and I can't wait.